


already there

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, basically just a whole lot of dad callum, kind of?, lexi pearce is the sweetest person to ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27334537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 1 - rescue
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway & Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	already there

**Author's Note:**

> tiny tw for slight reference to jonno (child abuse, homophobia)

Callum never really thought he’d want to be a parent. 

Sure, he’s always been comfortable around children, always felt protective over them - although he supposes that’s something to do with the effects of his own upbringing - but being happy enough, stable enough in a relationship to have children, it had always felt impossible. When he was with Whitney, the thought of having kids with her left him panicking, terrified of being trapped somewhere he wasn’t happy, but wasn’t brave enough, as he’d thought then, to live in truth. Now, though, the thought of kids is something different- in a way, it’s something he’s already accepted with Lexi, even though she isn’t actually his. It’s inspired the thought of having kids of their own with Ben. He’s almost sure about adopting, and he knows Ben will probably agree- the thought of giving another child the chance he never had at a happy childhood, it feels like the right thing. 

He loves Lexi to pieces, of course - he’s not sure how anyone could not love her instantly - but it’s not the idea of being a parent that scares him, necessarily, it’s the thought of  _ parenting. _

Callum’s never mentioned it to Ben because he’s not sure it would make sense outside of his own head, but he’s been scared of the impact he could have over the loving little girl since the day he met her. It’s probably also influence from his own upbringing, and as silly as he knows it probably is he can’t shake the feeling that he’s going to screw it up and make Ben hate him. 

That thought is the only thing that’s running through his head when Lexi asks him that question-

“Callum, why do you not see your dad?” 

Fuck, it’s not even really the mention of his dad that makes him panic- although it probably doesn’t help things. How is he supposed to explain this to Lexi, that his dad’s an abusive asshole that hates him for being in love? He’s completely in the dark about how to deal with this, what he’s supposed to say, or what he can say. How young is too young to talk about this kind of thing? Does she know anything about Ben’s own past? Does he just lie to her, tell her that his dad lives away (fuck, if only). The whole situation makes breath catch in his throat, and Lexi’s still looking at him expectantly, curled up against his side, watching him instead of Frozen playing on the TV. 

He’s waiting, praying for Ben to come and rescue him, until he takes a steady breath, reminds himself that he’s okay, that  _ he can do this _ . 

“He wasn’t a very good dad, when I was your age,” Callum says, arm around Lexi pulling her a little closer to him. “And when I told him that I loved your dad, he, uh, he didn’t want me to love men, so he got angry.” 

“But that’s ridiculous!” Lexi says, pulling away from him, only so that she can see his face better now. There’s a clear look of indignance on her face, like the thought is ludicrous. “You didn’t choose to love dad!” 

“No, that’s right Lex, but some people think that it’s wrong, like my dad,” he says carefully. “Which is why I don’t really see him any more.” 

Lexi pauses for a minute, thoughtful, then shifts closer to Callum, and he’s left in awe, not for the first time, how gentle and caring she is. 

“I’m sorry that your dad was like that, but I’m not sorry that you love my dad,” she says, gabbing the hand that was around her shoulders and taking it in one of her own to pull the two of them together again. She settles into his side again, snuggled in impossibly closer, then turns her head to look at him again. “Because I like you being with my dad. He’s happy with you, and I like seeing him happy. Besides, I reckon you’re a much better dad than yours was, easy.” 

Evidently, Lexi doesn’t recognise the weight of her words on Callum, because she turns back to the television after she’s spoken as if it’s nothing, but Callum can already feel the way his eyes are filling up. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how he’s supposed to respond and doesn’t know how he’s going to force words out without making Lexi worry that she’s upset him because it’s just  _ so much _ . The thing he’s most feared has always been becoming his dad, and somehow a nine year old has made him feel like maybe that’s not as inevitable as he thinks. 

He doesn’t have to force out words, though, because Ben walks into the room a couple of seconds later, and Lexi leaps up to jump into his arms. He holds her close, and catches Callum’s eyes over her shoulder. His expression is just soft, and there’s no doubt that he’s heard the conversation, because there’s nothing but love in his gaze. 

_ I love you, _ Ben mouths at him across the room. 

_ I love you, _ Callum signs back. 

Somehow, in that moment, he’s not so scared of being a father, because maybe he’s already there. 

**Author's Note:**

> so! im doing comfortember, which im really really excited about, because i think it's definitely going to be an interesting challenge for me (especially considering im here posting my first day at like 9pm) but i really hope you enjoy them! the prompt list can be found reblogged on my tumblr (artsy-highway) or on the comfortember tumblr (comfortember). comments/kudos mean the world <3  
> stay safe!  
> leo x


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